Ex to the Next

Ola Everybody,

Matthew here from the land Down Under!

I know I’ve been M.I.A for the past few weeks. It’s been hella crazy. I wanted to share loads with you, like my experience on the sets of Australia’s biggest talent show, my first time ice-skating, first ever helicopter ride etc. More about that later.

Today as usual I woke up around 9am and headed to the gym. All the while I was thinking about what I should write for my next blog post but couldn’t think of anything. I came home after an hour and logged on to Facebook. And the first thing to appear on my news feed was a status update by my friend about her break-up. That’s officially the third breakup that i know of, since Valentine’s Day. It’s like someone’s cast a hex on couples or something!

Now, we’ve all been through breakups or got our hearts broken at least once in our lives. Some have been fortunate enough to have gone through amicable breakups. Most of us though, have gone through real Nasty ones (notice the capital N).

We might say that each person deals with their breakup in different ways. But au contraire mon frère, I think each of us who’ve been in messy break ups go through exactly the same stages.

The first stage is Denial:  You still hope that it was just another random fight and it’s all going to be okay. No matter how much you know in your head that it was in fact a breakup, your heart says otherwise. You see something that reminds you of him/her and you pray that the next day everything’s going to hunky-dory again. But unfortunately it doesn’t.

The next stage would be Anger: Once you get past the first stage and realize that you have in fact been dumped, you experience extreme anger and bitterness. How could the little ‘bleep-bleep’ treat me like shit after all I’ve done for her/him.  People in this stage look for something or someone to blame (besides the one who dumped them) for their situation; most of the time it’s God, fate or even themselves. People in this stage tend be very irritable and snap at everyone even for the slightest of reasons.

The third stage is Depression: After the anger fades, all you’re left is with despair and hopelessness. This by far is the scariest stage because people suffering from depression tend to do things without putting too much thought into it. They act on an impulse and often end up hurting others and themselves even more. They try to find comfort and relief in the worst places.

And finally, Acceptance and Freedom: After going through all the previous stages, one finally comes to terms with the situation. Accepts it for what it is and moves on. At this stage instead of wasting your day in bed listening to Blues, you pick up yourself, dress to kill and walk out that door feeling hopeful again. It isn’t easy getting to this stage and many of us don’t actually think that they can ever get here, but the truth is you can. You just have to stay strong and try (And also be ALIVE; to all those contemplating to take their lives). You start to feel good about yourself again (just as you should every other day, if you ask me) and surround yourself with things/people that make you truly happy. Slowly you being to forget the past and move on with your life and realise that there are plenty of fish in the sea (some damn nice ones too). The next time you happen to have a chance encounter with your ex and their current partner, it doesn’t feel AWKWARD like you thought it would. You don’t feel the pinch. Rather, your ex looks more uncomfortable than you. And once your encounter is over you walk away feeling proud and happy.

Of course, it always helps if you have someone to talk to while you’re going through a bad break up. Now for some reason a lot of my friends find comfort in talking to me about their breakups. I do put in my two cents, regardless of whether they take it or leave it. Sometimes just having someone who’d listen to you can be a huge relief. But even if you don’t find that one person you can confide in, it’s okay. Contrary to what you may think, you can actually go through this by yourself and come out alright. You’ve just got to love yourself enough, to give yourself the chance. Believe that you are a survivor! Trust me; I know what I’m saying. I’ve been through a lot of tough times on my own. I thought I’d crash and burn but I’m still alive and kicking! Of course my methods involved praying too cas I’m a huge believer ( God was my biggest help) But I’ve recently found someone I can confide in ; my very good friend, Anjana (I could tell her just about anything and she’d be all ears).

 

So anyways, that was my analysis of post-breakup related trauma. A lot of what I said comes from my own experience. Everyday I’m learning by listening and talking to people. Just remember if someone doesn’t love you or you don’t love them, there is no point staying together even if it sucks to break up. But always GIVE/GET CLOSURE. You owe that person at least that much. Don’t be a chicken shit! Leaving them hanging and wondering is by far the rudest thing.

Always remember that just because it didn’t click with one person, doesn’t mean that you’re going to end up alone with your thirteen cats! You will find that special someone in your life, but only if you open up and let people in.

Hope I’ve helped some broken hearts tonight. Putting my thoughts on the subject into words has been enlightening in more ways than one for me as well.

Hope you all enjoy the rest of your night and the rest of your life! Till my next post,

Goodnight, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

 

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